To my mom. My brother, Adam. My stepfather, Trevor. My uncle, Manny. My sisters, Amanda and Virgen. My cousins. My friends. Everyone that supports me. I used to be so afraid of everything. As a kid, I always kind of knew who I was and how I was going to end up. Never did I think it would be fine with most of my family members.
To those of you who think gay people just decide to become gay one day… think again. Why would anyone want to choose to live a life where people are only going to bash them? I cried to my mom one day because I was so afraid of what my own brothers were going to say to me. I was just as afraid of what my cousins were going to say. “Are they going to disown me?” … “Are they going to treat me differently?” … “Are they going to be disgusted?” … That’s all I thought about. She told me to ignore any negativity that anybody had to bring… if they aren’t happy with it, they’ll just have to deal with it. I couldn’t help but explain that I didn’t choose to be this way and I have to deal with it.
My father’s a homophobe. I told him everything through text and he just flipped. He started to bash me while I just sat there on my phone saying “Are you done?” Only once did I step down to his level saying, “Mad? Want a cookie?” He continued to send immature remarks:
“Ew, are you gay? That’s fucking disgusting. Go cry to your mom.”
Simply because he gave my gay uncle, whom my mom raised, a hard time when he was younger, I guess he couldn’t accept the fact that his own son turned out to be gay. This was coming from a 45 year old to his 17 year old son at the time. I didn’t cry. I expected that from him. I was well prepared. I’ve cut him off ever since. I deleted him off of Facebook and all. To this day, he tries to get my attention by liking my comments on my sister’s page and tagging himself in my pictures. He even put a picture of all of his firstborns as his default photo (…which was from MY page). It looks like someone is realizing something. To resolve or to not resolve things? I don’t know. I don’t really want to resolve anything but I also don’t want the next time I see him to be when he’s in a coffin. I can’t really win in this situation.
Everyone who finds out about me goes “Oh my God, I never would have guessed!” I guess that’s cool. Others find out and go “Why didn’t you tell me?” I don’t feel the need to go around saying “Hi, my name is Aaron and I’m gay.” I don’t see anyone else going around saying “Hi, my name is Jane (or John) Doe and I’m straight.” What’s the difference?
This song means a lot to me right now… it really relates to me:
Again, I want to thank my family. I wouldn’t be where I am without you guys. I love you.
And for those of you who are just finding out… surprise.
